We were going out for drinks. That was all. Just to see if we were both alright. This was after our break up and after the crying.
We eyed the subway signs as they passed the window. All the numbers going up. Our hands found each other, but she wouldn’t look me in the eye. Somehow we didn’t stand when the stop that would take us to drinks came. Somehow we were back at my apartment again.
The kissing was furious, contagious, biting, hungry. My hands-on her, noticing the changes, how she was thinner, how she was a little more aggressive, like she was showing off. Trying to prove she wasn’t that little girl anymore.
I needed a lot of things all at once, and sitting next to her on the couch, I wasn’t getting any of them fast enough. I pushed her down, pulled at the buttons of her jeans, and slapped her hands away, though I wasn’t sure if she was trying to stop me or help me. I pulled her denim, along with her panties, down to her knees and held her down as my mouth found her cunt.
She tasted the same. It made me hard the same way.
There was short coarse hair where there used to be smooth skin. It annoyed me. I wanted what I wanted, and that meant I wanted a bare pussy. This wasn’t acceptable.
I took her by the hair and dragged her to the bed. I said nothing. I just stripped her and put her hands and feet in the nylon cuffs I always tucked just under the mattress. I remember the first time I put her in them, a long time ago. I pulled the straps through the buckles, and her legs spread open for me.
I stood and looked at her. She was mine for a while. Her eyes were unfocused from want. She tried to hide her head behind her shoulder, suddenly embarrassed.
From my drawer, I took my clippers. Little electric ones I used for my sideburns. I took off the guard, so it was just bare metal against her. I turned it on and lifted it so she could see it. Time to say no. Time to bargain or stop me. She just gasped and watched me, wide-eyed.
I held her down, made quick work of it. I couldn’t get exactly what I wanted, smooth bare skin, but it was close enough for the time being. I thought about getting my razor, but I was too wild to take my time.
I unstrapped her and pushed her off the bed, out into the hall, then the bathroom. Showered quickly with her. Soaped up the now almost hairless pussy as she pouted and eyed me.
Then I took her back to my bed and pushed her legs back up in the air, and ate her out properly. Then I fucked her properly. I fucked her until she said the things she said she wouldn’t say and left a huge wet mess on my sheets.
In the end, those huge eyes were watching me, unsure of exactly what happened. Then we slept, clinging to each other like we clung on to the past.
In the morning we were going to have to try and let both go.